Do you ever get so overwhelmed with everything that you get tired of yourself?
I love Carolina. I really do. I love saying hi to people in the Quad, I love going out to eat on Franklin Street, and I love walking past the Bell Tower every day on my way to class. That being said, I haven’t had a moment to myself since this semester started. When people said spring semester would be a blur, they weren’t kidding. With Executive Leadership Conference, Hearth Health Week, and an array of midterms behind me, and Greek Groove, Dance Marathon, and Installation Weekend up ahead, it’s easy to feel like I’m getting lost in my activities. Not to mention getting lost in constant human interaction.
I’m someone who considers myself an “introverted extrovert.” I love being social and spending time with people, but after a while, I begin to feel drained when I haven’t been alone for a while. Last night, I had a breakdown because I just felt so spread thin in my social and academic life. It’s so easy to feel like you can’t do anything right, when all of your efforts are solely concentrated into three things. I could feel my mind taking over, saying “You aren’t good at anything,” and “You aren’t good enough.”
Except I am. I am good enough. Depression is a sneaky thing. It’s so easy to forget about when the weather is beautiful and life is stress-free, but when you’re overwhelmed, it can make even the prettiest of days seem daunting. Last night was a day where my depression tried to take over, but it didn’t. Maybe it’s God, maybe it’s the universe, maybe it’s a coincidence, but I woke up today so thankful for everything I had. I got to sit outside. I got to wear a tank top. I got a free donut and got to pet a puppy within an hour of each other.
It’s a reminder that yes, this life isn’t easy. The transition from child at home to adult with an apartment and a budget is tolling enough without school and social events and clubs and boys. But you have to take time for yourself to enjoy the little things. You are more than your midterm grade and you are more than your breakdowns when you think no one’s looking. You are the air in your lungs and you’re the heart beating in your chest and you are the skin the sun kisses on the lawn while you put off your paper five more minutes. When what you do becomes overwhelming, you have to remember who you are.
And I am me, and I never wanted to be anything different.